I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
