Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
