Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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