u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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