I wish I could punch you in the face.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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