cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
