Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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