The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
