so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize