Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize