I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
