So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
