it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
