well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
