dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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