just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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