Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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