Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
