you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
