I puked a lego.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
