I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
