So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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