think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
