I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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