think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
