I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
