I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
