I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
