He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
