Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drake has all the answers
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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