I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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