I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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