rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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