new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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