Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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