Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
