i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
