And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
