Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
