my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
