I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
