You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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