She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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