Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
