i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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