planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
