It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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