eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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