I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
