Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
