Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
