a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
