that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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