mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
