girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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