Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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