How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize