there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
