My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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